Tuesday 2nd September 1808

Dear Diary,
Ned and I left the Grange, this morning, within half an hour of each other, in different directions but rendezvoused beyond Netherton for the remainder of the ride to Titty's aunts. I must say I am shocked at how some people can live in such compact and cramped conditions. I dare not say whether it was the room that was small or Titty appearing oversized for it but, oh my, what an infant can do to a person!
Her aunt was absent, no doubt making room for the influx of folk into her less than modest abode. We chatted happily, though I felt somewhat of an intruder upon their time together, and yet it was important that we discuss eventualities. It is not an ideal plan but the best that can be made of the circumstances for the moment.
I left them together for awhile and stood outside with Python and practised plaiting his tail as best I could but he kept flicking it from my grasp. I had been outside some ten minutes when Ned suddenly called to me;
"Mr Austen, come quick! I think the baby is coming."
The smile had gone from Titty's face to be replaced by a painful grimace and she was moaning quite alarmingly.
"Shall I fetch someone who knows about these events?" I asked anxious to be elsewhere.
"Might be a good idea," said Ned, "see if there is a doctor in the next village."
I turned and headed out and was mounting Python when he called me back again.
"I don't think this baby is going to wait for the doctor. Find some cloths and a sharp knife."
There was not an overwhelming amount of space to search, thankfully and I quickly returned with his requirements. Titty was panting and wailing in quick succession and perspiring dreadfully.
"I've helped with lambing, it's going to be fine, " said Ned sounding more confident than his pale demeanour registered...and then he fainted. He just collapsed to the floor.
Titty moaned and I moaned.
Titty wailed and I felt one rising in me and then she spoke through gritted teeth;
"Don't just stand there you daft.....Sir!..... Grab it's head!"
I knelt down and beheld what is most certainly the strangest sight I have ever seen, with a tiny, shiny purple head
in a place one does not expect to find one.
It was certainly not the day I had envisaged but safe to say Mother and daughter are quite well, and in the safe hands of Titty's aunt. As for the Father, he is much recovered and very happy.
I had to recount the tale many times to him on the journey home....
"And finally, I cut the 'unbelievable' cord." I said proudly.
"Umbilical!" He said, in exasperation.