Wednesday 31st August 1811

Dear Diary,
Happily we are fortunate enough to be travelling home in a better class than whence we came.
How I love to see the World go by and what a wide and varied World it is. 
I have even managed to get some rest, something that I never usually accomplish whilst getting tossed and jerked. 
As the distance between us shortens I can scarcely wait to be acquainted once more with my Knob End!

Tuesday 30th August 1811

Dear Diary,
Such a thunder storm to see us off!
I swear the Heavens are crying and roaring in sorrow at our departure!
We spent much of the morning wrestling with Willow's huge instrument, trying to contain it safely so that it comes to no harm during our peregrination.
When the time came to bid farewell to Old Ma Woofter I was quite emotional. 
I have very much enjoyed my time in Queensland. As we drew away from the Acacia Ridge homestead in Quinella Crane's conveyance, silent tears slid down my cheeks as Willow placed a comforting hand upon my shoulder.

Monday 29th August 1811

Dear Diary,

Today is our last full day in Queensland!
How quick the time has flown. We took a little time to ourselves after all the social intercourse and gossip with Willow's friends and family and wandered the beaches about Burleigh Head and climbed the headland itself to enjoy the air and the view. In just a few days I will be able to mount The Knob and enjoy its delights once more, stroke my Python and hopefully clap eyes upon Ned's erection at Knob End!
Whilst in my whimsy upon that headland there was a sudden screeching sound and we were set upon by a mob of lorikeets that flew down from the trees about us, alighting upon our shoulders and arms and, yay, even upon out heads as they twittered and carried on!
Willow appeared to be amused at my consternation but his smile was wiped away when one of the colourful birds evacuated its tiny avian bowels down the side of his face.
It was my turn to be amused at 'his' consternation!

Sunday 28th August 1811

Dear Diary,
Today is the three year anniversary of my meeting Willow.
How could one celebrate such a wondrous and life changing event?
Unfortunately not in the way we had hoped for Willow's Kith and Kin had arranged a family feast in honour of our impending departure.
"Do you like little baby Jesus?" asked Kith, or was it Kin?
"I do try to attend chapel as often as I may," I replied, " though I must confess it is probably more due to the desire of getting my fingers upon the Parson's organ rather than religious fervour."
Kin, or was it Kith, looked upon me with some discombobulation as they produced a plate piled high with little baby cheeses! 
I resisted the urge to partake but enjoyed the apple cake dessert. 
I must urge Mrs Crutchlow to make one.
In the evening Willow introduced me to the Kransky Sisters from Esk. I found the spinsters quite dour and plain but enjoyed their company very much and marvelled at the way Sister Dawn blew a horn.

Saturday 27th August 1811

Dear Diary,
Such a damp day here in Queensland!
It is something I am certainly not used to in these parts and reminded me more of my damp Nethers!
The perfect day for staying indoors and so we did.

Friday 26th August 1811

Dear Diary,
Today we went in search of rubber products to protect Willow's large instrument on the long journey home to Knob End, a journey that is almost upon us. Happily he found something that suited him and we returned to Acacia Ridge for luncheon with his mother. The afternoon found us in Edinglassie where the charming Quinella Crane needed to see a fellow about a Red Dog.
Our evening was spent at Quinella's newly decorated residence where we engaged in the oriental art of Mah-jong. 
Yet again our entertainment was interrupted by mysterious noises outside which on this occasion, by all accounts, was a flying fox!
How marvellous! I would love to see such a beast!
Imagine the consternation of the Netherton Hunt if I was able to return home with one of those!

Thursday 25th August 1811

Dear Diary,
I slept well and awoke refreshed.
The day was somewhat overcast and so decided to remain indoors rather than gad about. 
I welcomed the lethargy. We have been so mobile of late!
Lady Constanza Snowdon called upon us for luncheon and a few games of canasta. Happily she had remembered my real name and did not once refer to me as 'Jim'.
Whilst playing we suddenly heard a raucous screeching.
"It is just the Hoons," said Willow.
"How raucous and unpleasant the bird calls here," I stated, " I much prefer the more melodious calls of home."
"Oh," exclaimed Lady Constanza, from behind her fan of cards, "I agree Mr Austen."
She paused deep in thought, as she regarded the cards upon the table, before continuing;
"In fact I miss it so much I had one sent over from England."
She chose a card from her hand and placed it purposefully upon the table and leaned towards Willow's mother. 
"Did I tell you I have a little thrush?"
"Do you, Dear?" said Old Ma Woofter, "Then you should go see the apothecary!" 

Wednesday 24th August 1811

Dear Diary,
After finally succeeding in getting to sleep, on our last night at the farm, I was rudely awakened by the sound of bonking! 
It seems my somnolence was interrupted by a Pobblebonk, an amphibious creature that lives outside in Willow's dam which 'bonks' all night! Once awake I had to suffer the rustling, skittering and scratching of the resident rodents.
How noisy is the night up here upon the Granite Belt!
When dawn finally came and the nocturnal creatures retired for their own slumber I finally managed to get some rest until I was awakened once more, by the eager tongue of Otto, Quinella's faithful companion.
We made preparations for our departure and then bade farewell to Frogknot.
We journeyed back to Acacia Ridge once more enjoying the Scenic Rim.
I look forward to an uninterrupted nights rest.

Tuesday 23rd August 1811

Dear Diary,
Willow informs me, after some investigation, that he believes the creature which fell upon us in the night is indeed a spider and that apparently it is the most venomous of them all and could even despatch a redback, whatever that is, except that it's fangs are too inadequate to bite humans.
"Ah, but what if I had trapped it with my hand when I slapped at my face in shock and forced it's tiny mandibles into my flesh?" I enquired.
He had no answer to that.
Today we made further repairs to the property and wandered its orchards before visiting some old neighbours in the valley. Two gentlewomen who put me in mind of the 'thespians' at Cobbler's End, Misses Lott and Noring. These women were hardy and had fashioned a delightful home amongst their impressive one hundred acres. They appeared to keep wolves for I noticed a pair tethered some distance from where we were entertained with platters of Mediterranean delicacies! 
It was such a marvellous sunset through the trees and the light upon the hills was magnificent. I almost wished I had some implement that one could take out of ones pocket and capture the moment for all eternity.
I took a bathe in the tub upon the rock and the stars came out to illuminate my ablutions. Such a vast array of heavenly bodies filled the ceiling above me and I observed three race across it before I rose from the steaming waters to find the comfort of a robe. Lighting a lantern almost immediately I noticed two pairs of eyes shining in a nearby tree and called out in alarm. Willow came to my rescue once more informing me it was a harmless pair of ring tailed possums.
Such intrusive creatures!

Monday 22nd August 1811

Dear Diary,
Something fell upon my face in the darkness as I lay in bed. I do not know how I stop myself from crying out in alarm but suddenly Willow was also risen for the creature had also crawled across him. We sought light and scoured around but could see nought of the beast. I suspect it was a spider but am once more thankful for the darkness. 
How kind is the dark!
We ventured into town seeking supplies and equipment for repairs at the farm and returned back into the hills. 
I am bitten upon my upper thigh and it itches so. I know not what is the cause and have had it some two days so thankfully it cannot be one of the poisonous serpents hereabouts for if it were I should surely not be scribing upon you know.
I am promised a bath under the stars. 
Willow has an old tub upon a rock at the back of the farm and before we leave I am to enjoy its pleasures.

Sunday 21st August 1811

Dear Diary,
Another new place, another restless night.
There were such rustlings and creakings in the dark that I began to be thankful that it was dark and I could not see what was the cause of the nocturnal noises. I doubt I would ever have slept if I had really known what lurked in the shadows. There were indeed a few moments when I almost cried out;
"I am an Englishman! Get me out of here!" but I kept my pecker up and snuggled in closer to the snoring Willow.
The countryside hereabouts is quite beautiful. Even now as I write I am sat amongst large granite boulders and looking out to the valleys and hills beyond. The wind is whispering through the trees and I can hear a Kookybunty...a Kookybull....one of those birds with a strange laughing-like call. 
I can see why Willow loves it here.

Saturday 20th August 1811

Dear Diary,

We have arrived at Frogknot Farm, Willow's property here up on the Granite Belt. We gained access via the Scenic Rim at a place I feel certain will be called Cunningham's Gap one day.
We found the farm in some disrepair and there is much evidence of rodent infestation! 
I fear for my Knob End having seen the havoc such small beasts can inflict upon a man's property.
We are endeavouring to tidy and clean as best we can.
Poor Willow is bereft at the sight of his former home. 
I am sure all can be repaired in time though I fear the time is not now.

Friday 19th August 1811

Dear Diary,
We are once more ensconced in the homestead at Acacia Ridge.
I was somewhat unwell last eve and was abed early and therefore missed out on a little pork.
Today has been filled with canasta and laundering but we are all set for our next venture up The Great Divide. We journey tomorrow in the delightful company of Quinella Crane and her faithful companion Otto to view some property, a pleasing forty acres that Willow owns up on The Granite Belt.
I am quite moist with excitement!

Thursday 18th August 1811

Dear Diary,


The sky weeps farewell
Departing from the Orchids
Our hearts slowly break.

Wednesday 17th August 1811

Dear Diary,
We are all quite drained after the dramatic events of the previous day but happily Sappho has been returned to the arms of the Orchid sisters. Yes indeed, for she was one of the pussies held captive by that feline felon, 'Huge' Jackman in the cavern beneath our very cliff top retreat. A number of the captured cats were returned to their delighted owners but quite a few are still unclaimed. Happily the Orchid sisters have declared an intention to leave Queanbeyan for good and move northwards to buy property on the banks of the mighty Maclean River and, as they are very fond of pussies, they are to take all the homeless captives with them and set up a Pussy Preserve! 
How splendid! 
As for 'Huge' Jackman it seems he was found somewhat the worse for wear washed up on the beach to the south and has been taken into custody, no doubt bound to spend the rest of his life in a remote and hopefully mosquito ridden penal colony.
Tomorrow we return to Queensland.

Tuesday 16th August 1811

Dear Diary, 
Fresh air always exhausts one and at last I found comfort in my cot and I slept...that is until I was awakened by a loud clap of thunder. A storm was moving in from across the sea. It also woke Willow. The previous evening had been one of Mah-jong and quaffing so Willow arose in need of some relief. He disappeared onto the verandah and returned almost immediately to hiss;
"There's someone out here!" He went to the window. "I think it's that fellow we got the key from."
"The mysterious 'Huge' Jackman." I breathed. 
As I arrived at the window I was just able to see him disappearing into the privy, illuminated by a flash of lightening.
"I believe I saw him at this very hour last night up to the same mischief no doubt." I whispered to Willow.
We waited for him to return but he did not. Some twenty minutes must have passed and then Willow said "Let us go see what is going on." I was not very enthusiastic about this suggestion but reluctantly agreed.
We crept out across the grass towards the privy. The noise of the waves crashing below the cliff prevented us from hearing any other sounds. We listened intently at the door but could hear no movement from within. Willow pushed open the door and at the same moment a crash of thunder boomed over head. I gripped Willow's arm and stifled a scream. Peering in we could see part of the floor had been removed revealing a dark shaft. Willow leaned in and then dropped down it. 
"Are you coming?" I heard him whisper.
Another clap of thunder persuaded me to remain with him and I too descended into the darkness. We found ourselves in a passageway hewn from the very rock itself. There was light ahead so we moved carefully forward. Suddenly there came the rumbling sound I had heard on previous nights though much louder now accompanied by the trembling of the rock all about us.
"That's the sea," whispered Willow, "I think this passage leads to that cave." 
We drew nearer to the light and then heard the unmistakeable sound of a cat mewling. The passage opened out and we saw some steps leading down into a cavern and there in the lamplight we saw a number of small cages set about the rocks each containing a cat and in the centre, sat upon a rock, 'Huge' Jackman was stroking a pussy. I could not help myself and I gasped out loud at the horror of it.
'Huge' Jackman looked up and espied us.
"Oi!" he shouted and he leapt up.
We turned and hurried back up the passage way. I could hear Jackman close behind us. Willow climbed up into the privy first and then reached down to help me up. Just as I was almost out of the shaft I felt a huge hand slip up my nightshirt and grasp my thigh. I squealed as I felt myself being pulled back down and then the Orchid sisters appeared and grasping my arms with Willow hauled me clear. 
We shut the privy door and clung to the handle as 'Huge' Jackman tried to wrench it open. 
Suddenly Cordelia cried out;
"It is no use, just push! PUSH!" 
She set her back to the privy and we all followed suit and tipped the whole thing over the cliff edge.
We watched as it plunged into the tormented waters below and sink beneath the waves.

Monday 15th August 1811

Dear Diary,

Once I again I lay in my cot awake as the rest of the house slept. 

Yet again there was the distant rumbling and trembling in the night above the sound of the waves upon the shore below and sure enough in moments of lull the sound of a distant mewling came to my attentive ear.  I was certain it was no unknown creature of the night for all the night creatures I have encountered thus far sound like the Devil himself! I peered through the window rather than venture outside as I had bravely done the previous night and gasped as almost immediately I saw a large shadow passing across the moonlight grass outside heading towards the privy. Not one to intrude upon the privacies of others I retired to bed and thought no more of it. 

The day was once more graced by the sun. Willow and I ventured, at low tide, out onto Broulee Island. We discovered an overgrown path leading into the shrubbery and followed it. I stepped gingerly for fear of treading upon a venomous serpent but one time lifted my gaze from the pathway to see something fearfully staring back at me ahead! Looking over my shoulder Willow whispered “It’s a wallaby.” It hopped off into the thicket startled by our approach. 

Reaching the end of the island we stood and looked out across the Specific Ocean and Willow spotted a whale as its back arched out of the water. We watched it rise a few more times before being distracted by a pod of dolphins riding the waves that rolled into towards the shore. I gazed in wonder and thought how different life is here compared to our simple existence at Knob End. We scrambled down to the shoreline and walked back across the rocks. In one of the pools I saw a small octopus grasping at strands of seaweed with its tentacles and it reminded me of Harden Thicke wrestling with the weeds in my own garden. 

We stood for awhile and watched the waves come crashing in upon the rocks until one rather large one rolled in and drenched us from head to toe, warning us of the rising tide and suggesting we return home before being cut off. 

As we approached the headland I noticed the unmistakable figure of ‘Huge’ Jackman in the distance heading our way upon the beach. We watched as he veered off to the right towards the cliff and disappear from view. When we reached the very same spot we saw large footprints upon the sand leading into a cave in the cliff face. We followed them in for some way but it soon became too dark to venture further.  We could hear no sound of him in the gloom ahead. 

It is all quite mysterious!

Sunday 14th August 1811

Dear Diary,

I suffered another restless night. 

I know not what causes it but when all is still and quiet I hear a distant rumbling from time to time and the very house in which we dwell appears to tremble gently in fear of it. 

I swear also that in the night I heard the distant and plaintive mewling of a cat. I crept from my bed and stepped out upon the verandah and peered out into the moonlit grounds beyond the house to listen again. Suddenly there came a wild and terrible hissing and rasping sound from close beside me and I grasped the verandah rail in fear. There, a few feet away, was a cat like beast with a long tail and large eyes but its snout was more protuberant than that of a cat. It was all I could do to grip the rail and stop myself from screaming and waking the rest of my party. The beast stared at me with its round dark eyes and I gathered my wits and gibbering, dashed back to the safety of my boudoir and sought sanctuary beneath my woollen blankets. 

In the light of morning I told Willow of the beast and he thought it to be a possum. I was not convinced the harmless and fluffy creature he described was the same as the one I encountered in the night. 

Our day was very relaxed and once again filled with pleasant perambulation upon the beach, this time along the beach to the north. We returned for lunch and enjoyed a nourishing salmagundi before, to my great embarrassment, I absent-mindedly locked our room with the only set of house keys inside it. 

Luckily, the Orchid sisters had a neighbour, a Mr Jackman who also possessed a set for use in watching over the property whilst they are occupied in Queanbeyan and Willow offered to collect them. Once our own set of keys was freed from their incarceration I offered to return Mr Jackman’s set to him as the whole debacle was of my making. 

I found his somewhat unkempt home and knocked upon the door gently for fear of loosening it from its hinges. I was somewhat surprised by the fellow that opened it for he was quite enormous both in height and girth. 

“Thank you Mr Jackman,” I smiled handing him back his keys. “You have indeed saved our day.” 

I held out my hand again.

”If I may introduce myself, I am Wayne Austen and I bid you good day!” 

He did not smile but eyed me suspiciously not unlike that pestilent possum. 

“G’Day” he said enveloping my hand in his own.  “Everyone calls me ‘Huge’”.

Saturday 13th August 1811

Dear Diary,

I did not sleep well. 

It was not due to the sound of the ocean but the strange creaking and sighs this old house makes in the night. It is always thus when I lay down my head in strange surroundings and yet last night I felt it was due to more than unfamiliarity. 

We woke this morning to find Sappho gone! 

It is a complete mystery and has put a damper on the day. We searched our environs for much of the morning and there was no sight or sound of her. We took the dogs along the beach to the south for some exercise and hoped that upon our return we would find her waiting, mewling upon the threshold of our hilltop house, but it was not to be. 

As night enfolds us within its dark shroud she has still not returned. A full moon has risen but can scarcely offer us its light for the threatening clouds that are rolling in from the over the sea. 

What has become of poor Sappho?

Friday 12th August 1811

Dear Diary,

We are today travelled to Broulee upon the southern coast. 

It is a place dear to the hearts of the Orchid sisters. 

Our lodgings are small but comfortable and stand upon a headland with magnificent views of the coastline to north and south. All around the house there is a wooden verandah, open to the elements and that is the only way one can access all the rooms. So, for example, if I am feeling a little chill and in need of a jerkin I have to exit the lounge and walk around the verandah and into my bedchamber for the jerkin. The privy is even further away, set apart from the house away towards the cliff edge. 

As I put quill to paper now I can hear the restless sea crashing upon the rocks below us. I sincerely hope it does not keep me from sleep. 

Joining us on our sojourn by the sea are Cordelia’s puppies Muffy and Buffy, Cosmo’s hound Snatch and their pussy Sappho. Willow has succeeded in building a roaring fire in the hearth, competition indeed for the Specific Ocean outside. Muffy, Buffy, Snatch and Sappho are curled up before it, Willow is fingering a Mandola in the corner and the Orchid sisters are snuggled upon the sofa. 

Such a scene of peace and tranquillity there never was.

Thursday 11th August 1811

Dear Diary,
I was awoken by little Pansy demanding I read her a story whilst Willow snored on. The hour was early but we needed to rise earlier to pack our accoutrements for our journey to Queanbeyan.
When the time came for us to bid our farewell to the Drakesbottoms I was surprised at the depth of my sadness. How strange that one can get so accustomed to new surroundings and the people therein. Little Pansy held out her arms to embrace me and I bent down to allow it. I am not one for the boisterousness of youth and yet I am going to miss little Pansy Drakesbottom. The time spent in her company has been most agreeable.
After Willow had said his goodbyes we boarded the coach and headed south.
Thankfully I had a seat by the window and was well positioned to watch this under world slip trundle by. At times one can forget that one is so far from home so familiar appear the surroundings and then one sees a 'roo' hopping into the undergrowth, startled by our passing and it becomes a very different place indeed.
Yet more of Willow's old acquaintances were there to greet us upon our arrival the charming sisters Cordelia and Cosmo Orchid.
Their abode is high in the hills overlooking Queanbeyan and beyond.
"How do you find our view, Mr Austen?" enquired Cordelia.
"Capital!" I replied, "Just capital!"
A special dinner was thrown in our honour to which a number of guests were invited. Among them a Julia Dullard and a Mr Rabbit. I sensed some animosity between them. In converstation with Mr Rabbit I told him of our journey down from Sydney.
"Indeed," he smiled, "So you have seen a kangaroo and now..." he nodded in the direction of Miss Dullard and affecting a faux Scottish accent, " you have met the 'Ranga Koo'!"

Wednesday 10th August 1811

Dear Diary, 
A cloudless azure sky greeted me this morning as I flung back the drapes. The day appeared fresh and clear and was a most welcome antidote to the shocking events of the previous night.
I was only allowed breakfast after being pressed by Willow into joining him for a little 'Hokey Pokey' as entertainment for little Pansy, which involved putting body parts in and out and shaking them all about. At home I have been known to take a quick ride on The Knob before breakfast but this kind of exertion at the start of a day was all a bit unnecessary.
I concede one positive outcome of our evening with Lord and Lady Game-Drive was an invitation to visit a private menagerie of an acquaintance of theirs down by the harbour.
We ventured forth in the late morning in the company of Lady Game-Drive, Quinella and little Pansy. The menagerie was a collection of native animals and at last I was able to set eyes upon a wombat and it was not as I had imagined. I marvelled at the size of the emu and would dearly like to see Miss Dixon stuff one of those. Of all the beasts we observed I believe the most endearing to be the koala.
It was a splendid day throughout and sadly our last day for the present with little Pansy. On the ride home she eagerly enquired which animal we had found to be "noice, defferunt, unyousual".
"The Potteroo!" offered Lady Game-Drive.
"Binturong!" I cried.
Lady Game-Drive observed me with some affront.
"Mr Austen," she snapped, "we were asked for our opinion. There was never intended to be a right answer!"
I was at a loss as to how I had offended her.
Tomorrow we are to venture further southward to Queanbeyan.

Tuesday 9th August 1811

Dear Diary,
How pleasant to be once more within some semblance of civilisation.
After some exploration of the boutiques and tearooms of Newtown we returned to the Drakesbottom residence for a musical interlude with little Pansy regaling us with a song about a 'Kookyborough' or something similar.
Tonight we were invited to dine at the home of  Lord and Lady Game-Drive.
Lord Game-Drive or 'Dickie' to his close acquaintances, I found to be rather garrulous and somewhat verbose.  Being fond of rum as Lord 'Dickie' most certainly was, meant that he became even more loquacious and ribald as the evening progressed. I had the misfortune of being seated opposite him for dinner but happily placed between Willow and the charming Quinella Crane who has joined us from Queensland.
The menu was unusual but what can one expect when one is so far removed from ones roots. I nibbled only morsels of the 'entree' for much of it was sullied with 'avocado.' I can only describe it as akin to green slime and I have decided I dislike it just as much as cheese. The fish course was divine, Pink Ling, so delicately prepared and presented.
Whilst we were waiting for the main course to arrive which I noted was 'rissoles', a dish I am not familiar with at all, there happened to be a lull in the conversation so I took the opportunity and leaned forward to address our host, 'Dickie Game-Drive;
"Tell me Sir, I am eager to know if you have balls in these parts?" I enquired politely.
Lord 'Dickie' emptied his umpteenth glass of rum and slapped his hand upon the table before rising from his chair and climbing up onto it.
As his hands moved towards his belt I heard Quinella breathe "Oh My!"
Lord 'Dickie' dropped his breeches and called out;
"How's that for a pair of Bobby Dazzlers!"
Heaven knows Lords are not what they used to be!
I could not face my rissoles.

Monday 8th August 1811

Dear Diary,
I am gratefully returned to Sydney with the Drakesbottoms and Willow.
We have been two days and nights in the wilderness of the Southern Highlands under canvas in the name of adventure. 
Our days were spent walking the escarpments and gullies of this region and I have to say that most of the outcrops here put my Knob to shame with their size.
Many of the vistas we viewed were quite breathtaking and I was often left standing, clinging to a gum tree gasping for air. Whilst we found the days sunny and pleasantly warm, we were left in no doubt that it is still winter here by the chill of the night. I would have attended you, dear dairy, with only a candle for light within my canvas haven but I fear my hands were too cold to hold my quill and the strange and mysterious noises of the night set my nerves on edge and made my fingers tremble so.
As we lay close together for warmth Willow told me of the 'wombat' and the 'dingo' that haunts these parts and his tales did little to quell my trembling.
On one of our forest perambulations to the 'Fairy Bower' he pointed out a large termite mound that was twice his own height and at its base a cavernous hole had been scoured...by 'the wombat', he informed me. How terrible a beast it must be and how large in size, I can scarcely comprehend how it ever manages to fly.
Not only were the nights bitter but they were also lingering. The sun sets at five thirty in the evening and rises once more some thirteen hours later. When light finally returns the dawn chorus begins and such a cacophony you cannot imagine, especially for one such as I who is accustomed to the timid 'tsk, tsk' of a couple of tits and the odd eager cock. 
I cannot tell you how happy I was, after the interminably long and frigid nights, to get a hot sausage inside me to start the day in a proper and pleasing fashion.
Little Pansy and her mother seemed most comfortable in these primitive surroundings and I too saw a different side to Willow. He is very knowledgeable about the flora and fauna here which Pansy and I were keen to hear about and learn but after the events of our last night I shall be forever grateful to him;
The darkness had descended upon our final eve and we were readying ourselves for retirement. I wandered from our camp and sought the seclusion of a grassy tussock behind which to change into my nightshirt. Once ready for bed I set about returning to our camp when I found my way barred by a large, brown dog. It made no sound but stared at me intently. I was not unduly concerned at first as I am quite used to my Father's Todger leaping up at me. 
"Shoo!" I said, but the beast did not move.
I repeated again, "Shoo!" Yet this time the beast bared its teeth and boldly took a step forward.
Taken by surprise and shocked by its sudden menacing appearance I dropped my clothing upon the ground and retreated a few steps.
The dog trotted forwards and snapped up my undergarments and began to toss them hither and thither about its head before disappearing into the thicket.
"Willow!" I wailed and he was there in an instant. " A dog has taken my underwear, the ones I acquired from 'Sparks and Menser'!" I pointed in the direction it had gone.
Willow bounded after in chase and soon after there came a thrashing sound and some commotion, then  Willow cried out before suddenly all fell silent.
I heard my heart pounding in my chest and then Willow was standing before me with my 'Sparks and Menser' undergarment in his outstretched hand.
My hero smiled; 
"A dingo stole your underpants. Now there's a tale!"

Friday 5th August 1811

Dear Diary,
I am in shock!
It was not the arrival in Botany Bay to discover that Sydney is in fact a town and not a gentleman acquaintance of Willow's that is the cause of my stupefaction. No, it is much more flabbergasting!
I fear I should have paid more attention to the information afforded me a number of years ago by a Mr Midge.T Gemme, who knew Willow long before I.
Mr Gemme spoke of Willow and of what I assumed wrongly to be of his early farming experience when he spoke of him 'sowing wild oats'. He also spoke of a previous engagement to an Edna Drakesbottom. I fear I now catch the gentleman's drift for today I was introduced to Miss Drakesbottom and it would seem that some of the seed Willow has sown has grown to fruition in the form of Pansy Drakesbottom, Willow's daughter!
She has the same blue eyes and his paternity is without question.
I cannot believe he has not mentioned this to me before! It would appear he came to some arrangement with Miss Drakesbottom regarding the child some years ago and yet assures me his heart is still mine.
I must confess the child is delightful and eloquent for one so young. We spent a pleasant day about the harbour walking and sailing and I cannot deny the pleasure I have felt at seeing Willow so happy and the smiles and laughter of father and daughter at their happy reunion.
There is yet more unexpected news, though not of the same magnitude as that I have just revealed to you.
It would appear we are going into the 'bush' tomorrow, camping with Pansy and Edna for two whole days and leaving what passes for civilization behind.
I am endeavouring to quell my apprehension....until my return.....
Adieu.

Thursday 4th August 1811

Dear Diary,
Whilst enjoying a breakfast of wiener Willow informed me we are to journey to Sydney.
I have obviously spoken too soon.
I hope I find the fellow agreeable!

Wednesday 3rd August 1811

Dear Diary,
Such a day of social intercourse! I am quite dizzy with the fullness of it.
We did manage to slip in a little canasta with Willow's mother betwixt our social engagements.
I must confess the highlight for me was an evening meal with the bewitching Miss Chievious, another acquaintance of Willow's. I am so grateful that they are all in fact ladies who are eager to see him on his return. It could have been so much worse! 
Such a lovely evening for a social jaunt, with the moon smiling its toothy grin down upon us.
Such unusual fare we enjoyed prepared by Tibetan Monks! I was intrigued and delighted by the Sherpa Chicken, somewhat wary of the Himalayan Meatballs and positively baulked at the Curried Goat! 
Yes! Curried Goat! Goat in a Curry!
I was assured that the monks feast regularly upon goats and they did indeed appear in very good health so I too bravely partook of the unusual meat.
I also sampled one of the meatballs, gently rolling it about upon my tongue before gingerly biting into it. It was quite a pleasant experience though I could not identify its content...that is until the bill arrived and there, to my horror, clearly marked were the words;
"Goat Balls."
I swooned.

Tuesday 2nd July 1811

Dear Diary,

Due to the generosity of Mike Hunt for the loan of a horse and trap we were today able to venture up Camp Mountain.

We took Willow's mother and her elderly acquaintance Lady Constanza Snowdon and packed a picnic lunch.

The journey was tortuous and twisting as we climbed higher and higher through the gum trees. We were serenaded on our ascent by the secretive bell birds with their tinkling, chiming call. 

At last we arrived at our destination and found a suitable spot for luncheon.

Scarcely had we unpacked our provisions when we were assailed by an enormous lizard that slunk from the undergrowth and flicked its elongated and forked tongue in the general direction of my cold sausage.

I swear it was as long as Father's Todger though not as broadly built. (Of course I refer to the lizard here and not my sausage.)

How brazen is the wildlife in this place that it has the audacity to venture too close for comfort. Never once have I felt intimidated by a badger in The Nethers!

After luncheon, and after the lizard had retreated, we enjoyed canasta 'al fresco'. 

I know not why, even after much correction, that Lady Constanza insisted on referring to me as 'Jim'.

I certainly do not have the appearance or bearing of a 'Jim', nor even the breeding and yet I did not allow it to blemish the day.

We returned to the coastal plains in the afternoon.

As we returned Lady Constanza to her commodious abode I bade her farewell with an avenging smile;

"It has been a such pleasure to meet you Lady Influenza. I am certain you would find the company of Mrs Norris, a good friend of my own mother, most agreeable and therefore, if you are ever in England, I cordially invite you to Far Corfe!"

Monday 1st August 1811

Dear Diary,

I was rudely awakened this morning by a terribly raucous cry!

I shook Willow awake and was trying to describe what I heard when the cry came again. He smiled and informed me that it was the call of a sulphur crested cockatoo. Indeed, I thought, they have much to learn from our thrushes or blackbirds at home with their melodious morning chorals.

How different is the bird life here! I recognise none and am constantly calling upon Willow to name those that we encounter on our daily jaunts!

I am used to sparrows and starlings hopping about Knob End and yet here one can cast aside the curtains and behold a white ibis!

After a hearty breakfast of eggs and ham we ventured to the beach at Sandgate and enjoyed a lunch of fish and fried potatoes.

This evening we were invited to the home of Captain Michael Hunt and he has kindly offered us use of a pony and trap so that we might venture further abroad in the coming days.

After dinner the Captain invited us onto his balcony for drinks and to view the sun set behind the Great Dividing Range.

"How are you finding Queensland, Mr Austen?" the Captain asked.

"How do you say?" I smiled, "noice, defferunt and unusual, Mr Hunt."

"Oh please," he insisted, "Call me Mike. I insist all my friends do."

Suddenly, from somewhere out in the growing darkness there came the most horrendous cry and a squeal escaped my lips and I dropped my glass which shattered upon the wooden floor.

Willow placed a hand upon my arm to calm my nerves and said;

"Its just a Powerful Owl, Wayne."

"Well," I replied "I think I prefer a cockatoo!"

"I guessed as much," said Mike Hunt with a wink.