Tuesday 13th May 1808

Dear Diary,
We had an unexpected visit from the Parson today.
Ned and I watched him cautiously approach the Grange from the parlour window. Ned spoke his thoughts.
"He used to visit here quite a lot didn't he? He was always eager to get his hands upon Mrs Crutchlow's muffins. Then, there was that day when he saw your Father's Todger and he fled back up his rectum."
"Rectory, Ned." I corrected.
After a few moments he was shown into the parlour and entered nervously, glancing all about him. Mother and my sisters came to greet him and we were all sat before the fireplace when Father entered holding his Todger. The Parson leapt up whimpering. Mother stood and placed a comforting hand upon his shoulder;
"Please do not take on so. Come let us stroke it together and you will see what a big softy it is."
We sat transfixed as they both stepped forward, each an arm outstretched, towards the beast that Father was grasping tightly. Soon the Parson was laughing as he playfully patted it's head, his fear overcome at last.
All seated once more he told us news from Cobbler's Bottom. Miss Quirrel had left the school as a consequence of recent events. I felt myself flush but do not think anyone noticed.
"I am not surprised, " said Fanny. " I am sure she does not wish to be reminded of the dreadful attack."
"On the contrary," said the Parson. " It seems that it was the attack that gave her the idea of setting up a new establishment in the city. She confessed she had never much cared for teaching and had always preferred the caning, so she is to Manchesterford to set up some kind of correctional institution."
"Interesting." Father murmured, patting his one-eyed Willie that had found it's way onto his lap.
"But all that is of no consequence," continued the Parson, " what matters is the future of the school and the children therein." He turned to Jane. "Miss Austen, might you not help in our hour of need? You are indeed accomplished in the written word and am sure you would find great satisfaction in sharing your gift."
Jane feigned to look as if his words had not flattered her, but Fanny nudged me and we both knew she would assent.
The Parson left in a much jauntier manner than whence he came, nibbling upon one of Mrs Crutchlow's delicious buns.