Dear Diary,
Having slept much of the day yesterday due to the previous nights events, I found myself wide awake again last night. I fear I am becoming a nocturnal creature, yet one that fears the dark, now, more so than in the past. I must have slept a little for I awoke late for breakfast. Jane and Willy had long since left for the school and Mrs Norris was already snoring in an alcove, her dribbling pug rising and falling upon her chest, with each breath. When the rider arrived I was enjoying a delicious piece of ham so remained in the parlour, masticating. I heard the mumbling of voices in the hallway for some minutes then noticed the fellow ride off as hastily as he came. Fanny entered, a moment later, with a solemn face.
"What news?" I asked, afearing it was for me.
"Mr Scrote is dead," she muttered.
It seems he had been discovered yesterday morning abed, lying face down and as stiff as a board. When he was turned over they discovered a frightened and naked, serving wench trapped beneath him.
" You see, " said Mrs Crutchlow, when she came to remove my plate, " Even Death can make mistakes. He obviously got the wrong address."
Kristin Chenowith - Home
13 years ago
3 comments:
Wayne! Masticating in the parlor! Mrs. Norris could have wakened at any moment!
Delightfully shocked,
B.
My dear Mr Moose,
Mastication is common practice in parlours, indeed I have witnessed Mrs Norris masticating but feel it is so much more dignified when one keeps one's mouth closed.
Yours correctly,
Wayne Austen
Dear Wayne,
Thank you for that knowledge. I have heard that some masticate in the morning while still abed but I always believed that mastication throughout the rest of the day was done in rooms especially reserved for that purpose. I understand though that that some are more casual with their habits. I do agree that keeping ones mouth closed would be more dignified and I think doing it quietly would be considerate as well especially if others are near by.
Yours duly corrected,
B.
Post a Comment