Wednesday 2nd January 1808

Dear Diary,
I awoke this morning, quite stiff and ill at ease with the world. I fear I tossed a great deal in the night and got little sleep. I was greeted at breakfast, by Mother who enquired if I had laid eyes upon her green handled letter opener. I said "You mean the jaded one? " "Yes" she replied, "I appear to have mislaid it". I had to admit I had not seen it but felt that it would be found in due course. A little later as Fanny and I were passing the scullery, on our way to duet upon the pianoforte, Mrs Crutchlow beckoned us closer and spoke conspiratorially, saying "Mr Austen, I appear to have mislaid a cucumber! It was to be cucumber sandwiches for lunch." Was the day to be filled with mystery and disappearances? I turned to enquire of Fanny if she had any knowledge but she had vanished also. Yet later still, Mrs Crutchlow, once again apprehended me and this time all but man handled me into the larder. She stood and pointed at a shelf and there upon it lay the cucumber and the green handled letter opener. Yes, the jaded one! At that moment, Ned entered from the garden and came to see what transfixed us so. "It was not there earlier" said Mrs Crutchlow. The cucumber was not whole and a large piece had been sliced off the end, and was missing. Ned spoke saying, "Look at all those strange 'snicks' down the side". I believe he meant 'nicks' but he made his point, for indeed there were many marks upon the cucumber's length as if an attempt had been made to roughen it's appearance. It was a mystery indeed and we could think of no explanation, but Mother was grateful to have her letter opener returned and we did have cucumber sandwiches for lunch. It was strange,though, that Fanny did not have any as they are her favourite but she was looking a little flushed.
This afternoon, I ventured out to call upon some old friends, the Meadows, who are up from London and staying in a remote cottage for the festive season. We went for a brisk walk despite the inclement weather and it was delightful to catch up with them and their very little news. Huddled for shelter against the bitter wind, atop a grassy knoll, I contemplated the 'joys of friendship'. Here were some friends who I rarely see and yet whenever we are together it is as if I only saw them yesterday. Maybe if they had more tales of activity and interest it would feel longer than yesterday, but nevertheless, I remember shivering there upon that knoll, with the dampness seeping into my breeches, and thinking how blessed I am with my friends. Of course I thought of absent friends also and what they mean to me and a warm glow came over me. Well, I thought it was a warm glow but it in fact turned out to be a sheep urinating down my back from a rock above. Mrs Meadows squeaked "Oh, that's lucky!" How can it be lucky? What idiotic friends I have!