Monday 7th January 1808

Dear Diary,
Bullocks! I threw back the curtain and found the garden full of bullocks. Farmer Clamp and Titty were trying to gather them up but oh, the mess they left behind! I dare not go out all day for fear of ruining my shoes. It seems something in the night had caused them to take flight and they had trampled a fence in their panic. Much of the lawn was pitted with hoof prints and Ned's magnificent erection was less erect than intended. I would have liked to have gone out and held it for him while he straightened it but remained in the Parlour and watched him banging away from the comfort of the chaise longue. It quite wore me out.