Wednesday 16th January 1808

Dear Diary,
By all accounts Cobbler's Bottom is in a state of, well, constipation. Nothing is going in or out. It seems they are all in a panic about the Parson's wolf. Of course it is all nonsense. I believe I read somewhere that wolves are extinct on this fair isle so I doubt one is roaming the Knob. The rumour now is that the Parson was attacked by the great beast and knocked into Old Collette's grave and Sam has emerged as a hero in frightening it off, a story he is loathe to deny as he is enjoying the adulation, especially from the ladies. How fickle men are! The only beast present at the graveside was that other fellow who gets his hands on Sam's bellows. By dinner the hysteria had spread with Titty bringing news that Farmer Clamp had taken great precautions to protect his livestock. He is taking no chances with his magnificent new cock and Titty says it is presently flapping freely about their house.