Saturday 26th July 1808

Dear Diary,
I rarely recall my dreams but last night I vividly dreamt of Donald Oswald Tobias-Scott, the fellow who abandoned me for France. Long I may have hoped for his return and a happy reconciliation but now, when sense has prevailed and he is all but gone from my mind, how odd that he should reappear as a ghost in the night. Even though it is so long since I looked upon his face I saw it clearly and knew every crease. His embrace was as warm and as perfect as I remember and his kiss.....
If only we could remove our hearts and cleanse and rinse them of those who do not deserve to live there.
I found distraction in a Greek love story of dancing queens, some of which was written in verse and one passage leapt out at me;

I don’t want to talk about the things we’ve gone through,
Though it’s hurting me, now it’s history.
I’ve played all my cards and that’s what you’ve done too.
Nothing more to say, no more ace to play.
The winner takes it all, the loser standing small,
Beside the victory, that’s my destiny.
I was in your arms thinking I belonged there.
I thought that it made sense, building me a fence, building me a home,
Thinking I’d be strong there , but I was a fool, playing by the rules.
The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here, loses someone dear.
The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall.
It’s simple and it’s plain. Why should I complain?
But tell me does he kiss like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same when he calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you
But what can I say, rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide, the likes of me abide....
The winner takes it all. The winner takes it all......