Saturday 19th July 1808

Dear Diary,
Frau Gimpel was chasing me around the castle with a rifle. I was breathless and tiring and she was gaining upon me, her mad eyes unblinking, and her face fixed with determination and intent to do me harm. Finally, I tripped and stumbled and came to rest cowering beneath a great suit of dusty armour at the end of passageway. Frau Gimpel stepped slowly forward towards me and laughed, but her eyes did not. She raised the rifle and fired...
It is quite some time since I have been woken by a bang but how German to use a cannon rather than a cock.
I washed and dressed and ventured out of my room, wondering which way to go, but was soon able to follow a variety of people all heading the same way down the stairs and found myself in the banqueting room where a large table was being spread with all manner of bread, ham and cheeses. Frau Gimpel was standing close by and waving her arms and pointing and people were scurrying back and forth with plates and dishes from the kitchen. I followed the gentleman in front and approached the table, picked up a plate and began to help myself to the delights there upon. I chose some bread and ham and avoided the cheeses.
Oh, how they assaulted my nasal passages!
I found a table and sat alone and began to eat. I was delighted to discover the ham I had chosen was the same I had enjoyed at Overdinkel. Frau Gimpel was moving amongst the tables to ensure the guests were happy. I caught her eye and she came over.
"Dieser schinken ist scheisse!" I beamed, thinking she will be greatly impressed by my knowledge of German food. She gasped and her eyes opened even wider, if that is possible, and her mouth gaped as if ready to speak...
"Wine!" cried a familiar voice and I turned to find Dr Cojones bearing down upon me. I stood and he seized me in his arms in an overly effusive greeting that non-German continentals are wont to do.
"'Ow are you? Eet is eso good to esee you. I am bery pleased you habe come eso far. Come, you must meet my friend, Herr Kuntz. I habe told him eso much about you. He is bery wealthy man and he is keen to esee you."
If Herr Kuntz was as pleased to see me as he said he was, he did not show it. His eyes barely rested upon me all the time he spoke, though they did perhaps skim my surface, preferring to scan the room about us.
"Die Artz ist ein gut man unt he has tolt me so much ov you, Herr Owstin. He has tolt me ov your ker-nob unt die Schwester that toss-ed him off unt how you pulled him to safety by die roots. You are most velcome hier at Schloss Kuntz unt I hope you vill be vell looked after. Please see Frau Gimpel if you vant anysing unt now I mussen bid you ein guten morgan. Schuss." He wafted past and then stopped. "Oh, Herr Owstin, your lady freund ist most...enchanting!"
I looked at Dr Cojones in bemusement and he began to splutter and cough and expressed a desire for fresh air. We went to leave the room and as we did so one of the servers, a handsome fellow who had caught my eye, brushed past and hissed "Sie haben einen schönen arsch."
"What is an 'arsch'?" I asked of the Doctor outside. He laughed, winked and putting an arm around me and moving close to my ear said, "Eet is....ow you say?......beeg cheeks," and he gave me a friendly pat upon the buttocks.
Celle is a picturesque town with it's streets lined with wooden framed houses, some adorned with colourful paintings. "Would you like to esee the 'Rathaus'," asked the Doctor, but I declined. I am not fond of rodents. I was not surprised they have a home for them though. I have heard tales of some German towns that are over run with them. We wandered by the river Aller and tried some of the 'heidelberren' that were 'in season' and enjoyed some delicious ice cream. Soon the Doctor, glancing at his pocket watch said "Come, Wine, we must moob on."
I was following him back to the Schloss when I stopped. There ahead, bending over to look at a beautiful floral display, outside a small florist's shop on the corner of the street with the appropriate title of 'Blumeneck', was the tall woman I had seen at Evelyn Tent's funeral. She straightened and as if she knew I was watching, turned and her eyes met mine. She smiled in recognition. Dr Cojones clapped his hands and was jiggling about in obvious joy. "Wine," he said, "may I introduce Danielle St Amour?" We both stepped forward and she held out her hand. "Enchanted," I blushed.
"Mr Austen, it is a delight to meet you at last," she replied. Her voice was throaty and husky and my spine tingled as I felt the sound of it vibrate along her arm, through her hand and into mine. I could not help but stare at her eyes and the lashes that fluttered above them were almost unreal.
"Danielle also attends the ball this ebening but eshe esadly has no escort," said the dancing Doctor.
"I could be her 'scort', " I offered. Her head tilted down coyly and she peered through those magnificent lashes at me and I knew her answer.
The ballroom at the Schloss was bedecked with colourful banners which hung from the ceiling. It was certainly well attended and the room was filled with chatter, false laughter and music, that was a little on the brassy side for my tastes. I descended the staircase to the floor below and moved through the crowd looking for the familiar faces of Dr Cojones or Miss St Amour but could not find them. The handsome server, from this morning, stepped up holding a tray "You like sekt?" He said and winked at me. Ignoring his flirtation, I took a glass from his tray and moved on.
An obviously agitated fellow, stepped up and said "Entschuldigen Sie mich, abber wo ist der ausfahrt?"
I drew myself up to my full height and said " I certainly have not!" I turned away in disgust at his insult and there she was at the top of the staircase looking magnificent in her gown. She saw me in the crowd and smiled, then gracefully descended towards me. I moved forward through the throng to meet her and bumped into Herr Kuntz.
"Ah, Herr Owstin, may I introduce meine vife, Frau Kuntz?" I turned to see a small, yet quite portly, ruddy-faced woman looking up at me. I glanced past her. Danielle was almost at the bottom of the staircase and I wanted to be with her. I grasped Frau Kuntz's hand and said;
" Hallo, sie haben einen schönen arsch."
I don't know where she came from but I was, suddenly, wrestled to the floor by Frau Gimpel. She pinned me down and leaning close to my face, spat;
"Das ist genug!"