Monday

Monday 28th July 1808

Dear Diary,
Betty Tert is ill again. Doctor Proctor was sent for and Jane thought it best Willy was distracted and that someone should perhaps amuse him for a couple of hours. She picked out a someone....yours truly.
With a fixed smile upon my face I found him in the parlour. He was sat in a chair by the window with his arms folded and a determined look upon his face. I whipped out my shuttlecock and waved it in his face.
"Want to play battledore with my shuttlecock?" I enthused.
"Can't!" he spat back.
Jane came in and motioned at me to hurry along as the Doctor was coming up the drive.
"I know, follow me and I'll take you into the woods to do something I loved to do as a boy."
If Jane had not urged him on I doubt I could have moved him from his seat. I led him out, reluctantly, away from the Grange and down to where the old hawthorn tree grew that I climbed as a boy. The topmost branches were waving in the warm breeze. I pulled myself up on a lower branch.
"Come on, last one to the top is a...."
"Can't!" he yelled.
I dropped down again and gritted my teeth. Taking a deep breath and refixing my smile I tried again.
"I know, let's play hide and seek. Do you want to be a hider or a...."
"Can't!" he shouted and gave me such a malevolent look, my smile faltered.
" Alright," I said, "You decide what you want to do!" I tried to keep my composure.
"Can't!" he answered.
I grabbed his arm and dragged him back to the Grange and flung him through the scullery door.
"Hello Poppet," smiled Mrs Crutchlow, "You have fun?"
Willy smiled at her, so angelically, I was speechless. "Want a bun, Darlin'?" She asked him.
"Cun I?" he grinned, innocently.
It seems his vowel problem does not only pertain to his writing.
"I'll leave him with you, Mrs Crutchlow if I may." I said making for the door.
"Can't!" he hissed as I passed him.

6 comments:

Starched Collar said...

My word! Willy is a bit of a case, is he not? He should be carted off to a phrenologist immediately so his bumps can be caressed! Just a bit of friendly advice... Or how about applying the works of Mesmer on his little brain??? But those Swabians can't be trusted!

Sincerely,
Your servant,
Beau Tibbs

Anonymous said...

Dear Wayne,

Too bad your attempts to give Willie a practical demonstration of just what he is failed. A thorn or two in the posterior would have done the trick nicely.

Avec toi,

B.

Anonymous said...

I think you should advise Betty to apprentice Willy to a certain German pig farmer you know.

Given his vowel habits, it might turn a swan into a Schwein!

-h

Wayne Austen said...

My dear gentlemen,

Your concern and advice for all things Thrushcock warms my cockles greatly.
Mr 'Moose' and Mr 'Hannibal?' may I introduce to you Mr Beau Tibbs of Long Melford, Kirkby-by-Hand in the New World.

Yours politely,

Wayne Austen

Anonymous said...

Dear Wayne,

Thank you for your mannerly introduction to Mr. Tibbs. It will be a delight to see his epistolary from time to time.

Yours graciously,

B.

Anonymous said...

My dear Mr. Tibbs,

It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Charmed,

B.