Monday 21st July 1808

Dear Diary,
Did you know that cows snore? No, neither did I. It seems if air is not escaping at one end it erupts at the other.
Breakfast was a boiled egg tossed back to me sat amongst my deceased porcine companions. I did not dare indulge myself for I am sure my foul-smelling 'friend' is no 'friend' to soap. I watched the windmills pass by and it seemed as if they were laughing at my predicament and waving their arms in glee. I must have dozed off despite the dull, monotonous scenery for I awoke when the cart came to a standstill and I saw another traveller mount the cart and take a seat beside 'The Stench' as I shall affectionately call him. This fellow went by the name of Hans-Neison Boomsadaizee and was on his way to visit a sick friend. Thankfully he spoke some English. Not only was I able to ascertain that the coast was quite near but he was able to entertain me with local folk tales.
At last we rolled into a seaside town and as luck would have it, I recognised it as the place I had arrived at from across the sea but a few days earlier. I thanked 'The Stench' for his kindness and tossed him some coins. "Buy soap!" I said. He smiled and waved echoing "buy soap!" in return. I thanked Hans for his company and he went off to find his sick friend and I dashed into the nearest inn to ask if it was too late to catch 'The Hepatitis B'. Fortune smiled upon me again for none other than Seaman Swallows clapped his hand upon my back. I could have kissed him but felt it was not the time or place to show my gratitude and relief so publicly.
I am now aboard 'The Hepatitis B' and we are shortly bound for England.
However, I have just heard some sad news. A few moments ago there was a knock upon my door and I opened it to see a young fellow standing there with some refreshment from Seaman Spitz. "Ah'm Roger, yer cabin boy," he drawled.
"What happened to Bob?" I asked.
"Oh, he fell overboard and well,........he didn't,' he shrugged.
"Didn't what?" I asked.
"Bob." He said.