Tuesday 1st April 1808

Dear Diary,
Ned sheepishly entered my chamber, this morning, with the water for my ablutions. He placed it upon the table, as he usually does, yet did not leave as normal but stood and wrung his hands. I sat up and rubbed my eyes and peered at him.
"I wonder, Mr Austen, if I might trouble you to assist me as I assisted you yesterday?" he uttered.
"I'm sorry," I replied "but I do not follow."
"Mr Austen, I believe I, too, have something which needs removing from my buttocks," he blurted.
Now, I was awake. It was a request I had not expected, however, I could tell from his stance that it had been an effort to utter it. He stood there and could not look at me in his embarrassment.
"Of course, Ned," I replied. "One good turn deserves another. Will you lie?"
" No, Mr Austen, Sir, I prefer to stand," he answered.
I was quite relieved for I was not quite ready to stand myself at that moment. He moved towards me then turned and slid his breeches down gently and leaned forward slightly. His skin was very white and smooth and my mouth felt very dry. At first glance nothing seemed amiss and I leaned closer to look for whatever it could be that was out of place. All looked fine to me. I was just thinking I had never seen anything so fine, when he leaned further forward and something white appeared ...how can I put this?... between the cleft.
I find this very difficult to write for my hand is still shaking at the thought now.
I reached out my quivering hand and, very carefully, trying not to touch his skin pulled out a small, white, folded piece of paper. Gently, I opened it and written upon it were the words;
'April Fool.'
Before I could slap him upon his well presented cheeks, Ned leapt forward, hoisting his breeches and roared with laughter. My door burst open and in fell Mrs Crutchlow, clapping her hands in joy and behind her, not quite sure if she should really find it amusing, an embarrassed Titty. I had to laugh too, but I still did not get up. If I had done so, there would have been more than just an embarrassed Titty.