Saturday 29th March 1808

Dear Diary,
I eschewed breakfast and went straight to the stables where I knew Emmanuel was engaged in grooming. He did not notice me enter as he was stroking the flank of a particularly magnificent stallion but the beast did and turned to look at me. He finally followed its gaze and turned to face me. He was without a shirt and stood there in boots and breeches with his braces bridging his glistening shoulders. He flashed that smile... and I waved. I waved?! I do not know what possessed me. He was standing not twelve feet in front of me and like the nincompoop that I am, I waved! There followed a moments uncomfortable silence then I took a step forward and was just about to speak when Ned came in to say that Father was looking for me. I walked to the door and before I exited, glanced back. He was still smiling.
Father and I thought that an excursion to the ruins of Nethernook Castle would entertain our guests, though the weather was not being kind. We took two carriages. I rode with my Mother, Fanny and the Countess and Father rode with Jane and two of the Countess' ladies in waiting. I was pleased to see that Emmanuel and two other male escorts rode behind us. Nethernook Castle is in a beautiful setting and would have been a majestic sight in its day. Thankfully, there are still many covered passageways and corridors to explore on a wet day though much of the interior is now open to the sky. The party dispersed to explore. I hung back and soon found myself alone. I resolved to seek out Emmanuel and set off back to where we had left the coaches but as I turned a corner I bumped straight into him coming the other way. We both gasped then laughed in recognition. Without hesitation, I grasped his arm and said "Come Emmanuel, let me show you the Fingering Hole."
I led him down a dark and twisting staircase and into a small, damp chamber with little light. I explained that this was where the prisoners had been kept. In one wall there was a small hole where water trickled in from outside and I told him it was here that the prisoners quenched their thirst, thrusting their fingers in and out to get what little moisture they could. I stuck my finger in and he looked at me in bemusement and I realised he did not understand a word I was saying. I took his hand and carefully, extending a finger, pushed it into the hole, smiling and nodding all the while. He pulled it out and I released my grip. He stood facing me in that shadowy place and then smiled too and I swear the room glowed. He reached out and took my hand again and I gazed into his face and then noticed the largest spider I had ever seen crawling over his hair. As my gaze went up to it I heard a scream, like that of a frightened girl, and bedlam ensued.
The room was suddenly filled with a horrendous flapping sound and all about us, tumbling and wheeling, were dark shapes. I heard the scream again and realised it was my own and now it was joined by Emmanuel's scream too. We clung to each other with one arm while flailing with the other at the creatures swooping around us. I gathered my senses and grasping him tightly led him to the exit and we tumbled up the stairs, all the while amidst the throng of wing-ed beasts. We burst out into the open and fell to the floor. We, briefly, lay there gasping on the wet ground before getting to our feet. It suddenly began to rain harder and the others emerged hurrying back to the coaches. No one had any inclination of what had just occurred. He squeezed my shoulder and hurried off to join the others and I followed behind.
I remember little of the rest of the day. My head has but one abiding memory, that it plays over and over again; the moment that he took my hand.