Saturday 3rd September 1811

Dear Diary,
I was awakened by the sound of someone tapping upon wood.
It was Ned working away on his erection beneath the chestnut tree. I ventured outside to see him and startled him as I approached him from behind.
"I thought you were a woodpecker," I said.
"I thought you were 'incontinent'," he said. 
I gleaned his meaning.
"I am returned from Queensland these past two days but you were most probably too busy tending your bullocks to notice."
It began to rain heavily.
"Leave that and go home," I urged him as I hastily returned indoors.
The rain fell constantly for the rest of the day.
How I missed the sunny days of Queensland.