Dear Diary,
Mr Ashforth has given me crabs! A package arrived this very morning, which he must have sent from the coast as he embarked for the Continent with Titus Canby. An attached note read ' A small token of my esteem'. I went straight to the Scullery and said " Mrs Crutchlow, Mr Ashforth has given me crabs. How would you deal with them?" She flushed for a moment and wrung her hands in her apron before replying, "Well Mr Austen, Sir, I would use a lotion." I was taken aback somewhat and said " I would have guessed boiling water but I bow to your expertise, Mrs Crutchlow" and handed her the package. I went into the garden for some air and came upon Ned finishing off his ornate covered seat beneath the large Beech tree. I complimented him on his magnificent erection and said I was very much looking forward to taking advantage of it when the weather improved. Ned is a good fellow and I must say, keen to better himself. I know he reads and often tries to impress with his growing lexicon. This morning, he informed me that Farmer Clamp has replaced his 'diseased' cock. I believe he meant 'deceased', yet I did not comment upon it and left him happy with his crevice tool. I encountered Titty Clamp in the lane and said I had heard news of her father's cock and enquired if he was content with it? She said he appeared to be and stated I would be very welcome to view it if the fancy took me. I shall now spend much of the day alone with my thoughts and look hopefully towards the coming New Year, oh and yes, there are the crabs to finish off later.
Kristin Chenowith - Home
14 years ago
6 comments:
Ran across a reference to your writings on Campfire/Hunkvideo lost in a thread on an entirely different subject. I'm caught up through November and will take care of December over the next few days. I've enjoyed the diaries immensely and only wish I wrote as well. Thank-you for a very amusing read!
My Dear Mr MonkeyLover, I am most gratified to hear of your amusement and thank you deeply for your kind comment. I believe you are a man of good taste despite your seeming bestial traits. I wish you a joyous and prosperous New Year.
Yours affectionately,
Wayne.
You're writing is brilliant and incredibly clever. I'm completely addicted. I can't wait to read more.
My Dear Mr Jaded1, 1807 has certainly been full of encouragement thus far. I thank you for taking time to read and comment upon my jottings and I shall endeavour to keep you amused in the future.
Yours appreciatively,
Wayne.
dear mr. austen...I've followed your journal for a while now, and just wanted to let you know that i feel i have found my soulmate.
My Dear Mr Snicks, your reputation as a prodigious flirt precedes you. I blush at your comment and wish you well with your own, slightly less cultured, offering to the world. Could I ask you to do me a great favour and thank all those fellows of great taste, from the Campfire Community who have visited me here?
Yours appreciatively,
Wayne.
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