Sunday 30th December 1807

Dear Diary,
So much has occurred in so little time. On Friday I visited upon Mr Fairweather and we ventured to Neston to meet up with some gentlemen acquantances of his. I was very nervous. As you know I am fond of and used to balls and the social intercourse that ensues throughout the night but I have never been invited into a gentleman's clique and wander from hostelry to inn cavorting and carousing for an evening. I am also not one who normally indulges in alcoholic beverages but on this occasion my apprehension at not fitting into the clique spurred me on to cast aside my inhibitions. I did drink and cavort and carouse and it was a very merry eve indeed. Mr Fairweather and I became better acquainted and I found his friends most agreeable. I confess, only to you, that I came to feel more for Mr Fairweather than a usual friendship. We returned to his residence in the early hours but I was unable to sleep with the events, experiences and sights of the night spinning about my head. I returned home the next morning to happily find Mrs Norris gone but there was news from Mr Ashforth contained in an epistle waiting upon the mantle. He had spent much of the festive period with his old acquantance Titus Canby and he was to tour abroad with him and he did not see any occasion in the future where he would be at liberty to call upon me again. I cannot say I was greatly disturbed by this news as my head in recent days has been filled with another. As if summoned by the fates Mr Fairweather called upon me in the afternoon as I had absent-mindedly forgotten an article of clothing, how careless of me, and he came to return it. I told him of Mr Ashforth's epistle and the events therein and he was most empathetic. I took a deep breath and revealed my true feelings for him. I was aware that I was at risk of him leaving me for ever but I have been taught to believe that honesty is of the greatest importance especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. Mr Fairweather was equally honest and, looking me in the eyes, said he could not reciprocate but cherished our friendship and hoped it would continue.
I have no one to discuss and share these matters with, except you. I ardently hope I can hold onto Mr Fairweather's friendship, accept only his friendship and that my revelation will not change his opinion of me. Time will tell. Enough. My eyes are filling and I do not wish to blot you.