Wednesday 13th July 1811

Dear Diary,
Willow is much improved and is once more back at his desk in the school room at Cobbler's Bottom. Most of his body has swelled up to twice its normal size over the past few days but strangely not all at once. Each appendage appears to have formed an orderly queue, each eager for distension in its turn. Some of these enlargements have been quite alarming, whilst others intriguing and worthy of closer inspection.
Harden Thicke has once again been industrious, clearing the garden of weeds and other unwelcome flora.
Mrs Crutchlow arrived with lunch just after midday and I called Harden in for some refection. Mrs Crutchlow was most taken with Harden's Dick and said that her late husband also used to keep one down his breeches.
A short while later Ned called with a sketch of his proposed erection. 
"Do come in Ned." I invited, "Mrs Crutchlow and I were just stroking Harden's Dick in the dining room."
Ned looked somewhat taken aback.
"Did you know he shelters the beast down his trousers?" I continued. "Come, see and have a stroke yourself."
Ned paled and shook his head.
"I'll just leave this here for you Mr Austen. I've a bullock that needs some attention." He left in haste.
I returned to the dining room.
"I believe our Ned has a morbid fear of ferrets, Mrs Crutchlow." 
Mrs Crutchlow sadly shook her head and we both returned to cooing over Harden's Dick.