Sunday 10th July 1811

Dear Diary,
How dreadful was the night!
Poor Willow was up for much of it clawing and rubbing at his prickling skin. We scarcely got any slumber to speak of.
This morning I was anointing Willow with the ointment left by Llewellyn Dowd when Ned's head popped up at the parlour window. What a sight we must have made with Willow, breeches at half mast and I carefully tending his swollen groin.
"Remember to keep off them nuts, Mr Austen" he chirped.
He had come to speak to me about his erection. I have commissioned one for the gardens here at Knob End. I spent many a happy hour sat upon his erection at Thrushcock Grange and I do so miss it.
Of course we were once again unable to attend church due to Willow's ailment but shortly after lunch there came a tap upon the door and I opened it to reveal the 'Weverwand Wussel Spwout' standing upon our threshold.
"Oh, Mr Austen I have heard the dweadful news fwom your sister Fanny! I wan all the way here to offer my pwayers for a speedy wecovewy. Do give him my sincewest wegards."
" I shall," I smiled. "But won't you come in and speak to him yourself Wev....Reverand?"
"I shall not intwude, Mr Austen. He should get plenty of west. No, I am in a tewwible huwwy. I am having lunch with Miss Whea Gwetabull at the Wectowy at thwee. We are having woast wabbit and a tweacle pudding."
He bade me a 'good day' and rushed off and I returned inside in search of sustenance.
I was feeling 'wavenous!'