Tuesday 5th July 1811

Dear Diary,
Scarcely had the advertisement been nailed upon the notice board in Cobbler's Bottom than there duly came a sharp rap upon the door here at Knob End. I opened the door to find a stout fellow with cap in hand upon the threshold. He nodded politely and introduced himself as 'Harry Balls." I would have invited the fellow in had it not been for the cloud of flies that hovered about his head. I must confess I was quick to form an opinion of him and my mind was quite made up as to his unsuitability before he even brandished his chopper for me. I thanked him for his interest and asked where I could contact him in due course as to my decision.
He said "Most likely up the 'The Randy Ram." 
I cannot say I was surprised. 
"Oh, Mr Austen" he called as he walked away, " I mek a tasty cheese." He winked and waved his cap.
And thus, with inevitable consequence, he sealed his own fate.
Sometime in the afternoon I settled down to enjoy a cream pie when again there was a sharp rap upon the door. I quickly took in a large mouthful of the pie and masticated rapidly across the hallway to the door.
I opened it to find the same stout fellow from this morning standing before me, cap in hand, but with perhaps a slightly greater number of airborne companions.
"'Av just seen yer sign int' village that you'll be needin' some 'elp ere and 'av come ter offer me services."
"It is Mr Balls isn't it?" I asked cautiously.
He was taken aback. 
"Aye!" he said. "Ma reputation mus' proceed me." he chuckled.
'No' I thought 'but your stench perhaps.' "And are you the same Mr Balls who produces cheese?"
"By heck, Mr Austen, you're good you are." 
"As I said just this very morning Mr Balls I will contact you in due course as to my decision. I believe I shall find you making merry in The Randy Ram."
He looked slightly puzzled and then smiled.
"Right yer are then. I'll just pop off then." He turned away and then turned back.
" Excuse me Mr Austen, but you've got a bit o'somethin' on yer nose."
It was a dollop of cream from the pie.
I was quite mortified.