Dear Diary,
Not since I gave the world my 'Dick' in the merry story of Richard Whittington and his cat, have I had to draw upon my thespic talents.
I was 'winsome and distracted' at breakfast as Mr Wynde passed me a buttered cob. Later he found me 'distracted and breathless' in the garden, as I gently fingered the grooves upon Ned's magnificent erection. After lunch he caught me 'embarrassed' inside a holly bush spying on a shirtless Ned engaged in woodmanship and a little while later I startled him as I emerged from Ned's shed 'laughing gaily' and 'looking flushed'.
All was ready for the final act this evening after dinner. I stood by the parlour door peeping out into the hallway and saw Mr Wynde descending the stairs.
"He's coming!" I hissed and moved to face a nervous Ned standing before the mantlepiece.
"Embrace me, Ned." I breathed. He winced and wiped his palms upon his breeches and tentatively reached his arms out. The door creaked open and I grabbed him and pulled him tighter and buried my face into his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" said my Father.
We both leapt back in horror and Ned uttered one of those words he is sometimes wont to do.
"Wrestling?" I offered weakily... then gathering my wits, slapped Ned manfully on the back and said
"That is called 'The bear hug' Ned, and tomorrow I shall demonstrate the 'Pumphandle' hold and perhaps the 'Stretch Plum'."
Kristin Chenowith - Home
14 years ago
4 comments:
Dear Wayne,
I dearly hope that Mr Wynde is in need of much convincing that Ned is your paramore.
I eagerly await the description of the 'Pumphandle' hold and the 'Stretch Plum'.
With eyebrows raised,
B.
Lord, Mr. Austen, I'm sure that encounter left you breathless and distracted. I'm sure you had to throw yourself gaily onto Ned's erection in order to recover.
Yours agedly,
-h
My dear Mr Moose,
Are you not au fait with these wrestling terms?
Yours vocabularily enhancingly,
Wayne Austen
My dear Mysterious Dr 'h',
Ned's erection is indeed a boon and I know not how I mangaged before it's erection.
Yours comfortably,
Wayne Austen
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