Monday 2nd June 1808

Dear Diary,
The general furtiveness about the house has continued all day. Everyone has been most attentive to me and appear to be smiling far more than is the norm around here, apart from Ned, who is most distracted and constantly frowning of late. Mrs Norris leapt up off the Chaise longue, which rests in the bay window in the parlour and insisted I rest upon it this afternoon. All became clear earlier this evening when I heard a horse approach and everyone began to bustle about. Mrs Norris rearranged the lace at her breast and Fanny brushed pussy hairs from her lap and Mother rushed out to the door. She returned shortly afterwards followed by a dark haired gentlemen with bright twinkling eyes and a curved moustache. He bowed so dramatically, that I almost began to clap.
My Mother introduced him. "Wayne, this is Dr Vigas Cojones."
"Bigas," said the man.
"Bigas Cojones?" Mother questioned.
"Si, Bigas. Is espelt wis a 'b'," he made a 'v' shape with two fingers, "but is pronounced wis a 'b'," He smiled, and we all smiled back as if he was making sense.
"Good ebening, Wine, is bery nice to meet you" he addressed me.
Mother went on. "Wayne dear, your Father and I have been very worried about you in recent days," everyone in the room was nodding in unison, "and we thought it might be useful to talk to someone about it. Your Father has heard favourable reports of Vig......Big.....Dr Cojones, and he is going to be staying with us for a few days."
Everyone was looking at me expectantly and I realised they all thought I was going mad. I considered briefly, affecting a twitch in my left eye and possibly drooling, but just smiled and stepped forward and held out my hand.
"Very nice to meet you," I said.
"Bale, bale, bueno," he beamed, " is eso nice to be here and you hab a bery nice house and a bery lubing family, Wine. Tomorrow we while get to know each uzzer but now I must unpack. Oh! Estop! Bigas, 'ow could you forget? I habe brought a leetle gift for you." He rummaged about in a large bag and brought out a round package and handed it to me.
"Ees Cheese, a bery especial cheese, you like?" his eyes twinkled.
"Is lubberly," I lied.