Dear Diary,
I am trapped.
I awoke resigned to the fact that I would be unable to avoid Bigas Cojones all of the day, so eventually I allowed myself to be led like a lamb into the library for the inevitable probing.
"Wine, do not be escared, I come to help you. I hab helped many especial peoples. Is bery inportant you feel confortable with me. Si?" I could only nod. "I tell you about myself..." and he did, for about an hour but all I can recall now is; he is from 'a billage called Billanubla' outside 'Balladolid' in 'Espana', his father made 'espicy esausages' but he does not like 'espicy things' as they make him 'bomit bery, bery badly!' He has 'trabelled all ober Europe' and 'Libed in Bienna ( bery beautiful), Bratislaba (bery poor peoples and mass starbation) and Estoke on Trent' . In return I was required to talk about myself but after only a few minutes he yawned and said,
"We hab a short interbal now, and esome of esenora Crutchlow's cack."
In the afternoon he enquired if there had been any 'biolent incidents' in my life, about my 'relationeships' with my family and finally we discussed who might be 'eseeking rebenge' upon me. I must confess it was most refreshing to discuss these matters. Finally, he looked at me with his sparkling eyes and pressed his fingertips together and I awaited his summation.
"Wine," he said, " tell me about that woman with the bery, bery big esmile and the leetle estartled dog? You think she is birgin?"
I blinked.
"Unequibocally!" I replied.
Kristin Chenowith - Home
14 years ago
5 comments:
Dear Wayne,
You are very naughty. I know you would like to be rid of her but to try and pass Mrs. Norris off as 'birginal' to Dr. Bigas Cojones
is unthinkable.
Yours 'bery amused',
B.
My Dear Mr Moose,
You doubt her 'birginity'? The only thing I doubt is her finding a man brave enough to handle her. It is certain he would have to be blind.
Yours certainly,
Wayne Austen
Dear Wayne,
She must have had a man at sometime to be named MRS. Norris.
Yours perplexed,
B.
My dear Mr Moose,
The gentleman in question came to his senses and the marriage was annulled on grounds of non-consumation. I pray she does not find you after wheedling that information out of me!
Yours fearfully,
Wayne Austen
Dear Wayne,
Non-consummation a mixed blessing indeed providing a fortuitous escape for one and sadly leaving the other an unclaimed treasure. Leaves one to ponder the unwilling partner.
Worry not on my account but I pray you should fear for your own safety should the lady in question learn of this knowledge being made public by one at such close proximity as yourself.
Yours informed,
B.
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